wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
