and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
