Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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