Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish my penis had an off switch
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
