If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
false alarm, still single
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