then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
