you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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