Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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