Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂