Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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