two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she told me i tasted like america
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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