Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
