Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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