So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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