Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
