I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
