..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
