I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
