Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
