Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
