just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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