Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
