my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
