Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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