i barfeds in our rink
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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