i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
