the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
