she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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