You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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