I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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