this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
