she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
