i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
should my penis look like a turkey
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
