This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
