There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
