just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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