I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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