I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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