K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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