last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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