Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
