i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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