ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
