You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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