I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
