Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
