Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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