Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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