you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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