whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
