You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
