If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
