the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she told me i tasted like america
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
