He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
