the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
wow bdsm is so cute
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