the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
