part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
