Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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