I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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