I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
